A fear of the dark can start to emerge at age 2 and up, when a child is old enough to imagine things outside of what they see. You may start to see a fear of darkness come out if you are making changes to bedtime or your child’s sleep environment. A child’s heightened awareness at this age can make them more fearful and insecure.
If under 2, their temperament is not caused by darkness – at such a young age, developmentally they can’t comprehend the fear of darkness (they wouldn’t know why it’s scary), they are actually quite used to it.
How do you know if your child is afraid of the dark?
- Bedtime starts to become a problem, and your child get’s anxious about you turning off the light
- Your child may take hours to fall asleep and complain of their fear in the middle of the night
- If your child is out of a crib, they start to follow you out of every dark room
- The more obvious is that they refuse to go in a dark room by themselves
Does this sound familiar?
Here’s how you can help support your child and manage their fear of the dark:
⭐️Acknowledge the fear with compassion and understanding: Telling your child that there's nothing to be afraid of is dismissing of the fear and it won't help the fear go away. It's best to let them know you hear them, and you are there to help. Give them the time and space to share their thoughts, and show that you understand where they are coming from. In the context of monsters, also stay away from giving them a reality where monsters do exist - like introducing the use of monster spray to get rid of monsters. This only tells your child that monsters are real, and they are not. You could say "you have a wonderful imagination and sometimes the things that you see in your mind can feel real, that happens to me too. Monsters don't live in the real world. And since they are in your imagination (in your mind) you can make them how you want. They can be funny, silly, happy. They don't have to be scary. You can also make it go away by telling it so." Reach out for further parenting scripts around nighttime fears.
⭐️Alter the fear by reframing it: Bedtime is the only time, really, when your child is alone – so of course that can feel scary. Discuss with them what they find to be scary and see if you can help. Are there shadows that can be fixed by blinds? Or perhaps you can help make darkness more inviting for them. Play some games in the dark for a few weeks. Help them see that the darkness can also be fun.
⭐️Address the fear with comfort tools: A nightlight can be helpful, but make sure it's a warm colour. You can gradually make it dimmer each night to get them used to the dark. Also, introduce a lovie/stuffy if you haven't already. It's a friend at bedtime so your child doesn't feel alone. Whatever provides your child comfort that won’t act like a prop to help them fall asleep.
⭐️Avoid potentially scary content: It can be hard to know what your child will find scary, so don’t stress if it’s something out of nowhere – this is common too. But if you can help it, try to screen content with obvious scary characters or a plotline that can lead their imagination to a frightening place.
A fear of the dark can take time to go away. Try to be a patient as you can and keep trying the above to see what works.
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If you find yourself struggling with your little ones sleep and you not only want it solved (I can definitely do that for you), but you want to adopt a clear schedule that works and you want to understand how to make better decisions around sleep once your child is sleeping well, we must chat! Book a free 15-minute sleep assessment call to share where you are at with sleep and see how I can help you achieve the above.
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